unwanted/unloved
Posted by Pushpa on November 2, 2008
Yesterday I had a meeting with a friend and one of her friends. Somehow we got into the conversation about my story. As I told the story I once again relived the pain and the sorrow of being that six year old. When I told the friend the story of how my adoptive mother told me that my bio mother didn’t want me and didn’t love me my eyes began to well up with tears. I held it in and continued the story. Twenty five years I spent thinking that my mother didn’t love me and feeling like I wasn’t worthy of much because if my mother didn’t want me then I must really be unlovable and undeserving of anything. I was suicidal, severely depressed, and sorrowful most of my life. My adoptive mother laid a heavy burden on me by telling me this and I believed it for all of those years…until I went back for the first time.
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Annie said
I was told the same thing by my adoptive parents Pushpa. I’m really sorry for your pain. I had the same feelings for a long time believing it to be true. Although I haven’t found my mother I no longer believe that she didn’t love me or want me. I just hope people these days do not tell adoptees such terrible things to live with.
Curious Culturephile said
Back in those days people didn’t know much about child psychology. Nowadays no adoptive parents would say that to their adopted kids. They would say she loved you but wanted to give you oppurtunities that she never could…..
Raj said
in response to :
Curious Culturephile
December 10, 2008,
i’m not sure that “back in those days,” has a concrete date. Depending on where the people are that adopted the child, it is quite possible that this is still told to children who are adopted. I’m not trying to negate what you may have experienced but, some adoptees are still told that.
miriam gaenicke said
Terrible! I simply cannot imagine being told that by my adoptive parents.
Angela said
As an adoptee myself, I can attest that, although I was never told something so hurtful by my adoptive parents I still felt it and I believe many adoptees feel that they were unloved and unwanted by their birth parents. We just don’t know how else to explain why our own mother would ‘abandon’ us. It’s a story we conceive in our minds and carry with us throughout our lives. It affects every aspect of our life and how we function in that life, until we come to realize the untruthfulness of the story. I am so sorry for those painful words your adoptive parents told you, to confirm out loud what you may have been questioning in your very being to begin with must have been so hurtful. You are a wise, beautiful, and loving soul who deserves all the love, health and happiness the world has to offer. “There is no remedy for love, but to love more” (Henry David Thoreau) So beautiful that you have a daughter to share the true love and acceptance you never experienced yourself!