Should I have not been adopted?

Rainbow in the Appalachian Mountains(Virginia)

Should I have not been adopted?  Who is to say?  At different points of my life I have wondered why me and why was I adopted.  There must be a bigger reason for me to be in America.  I don’t know what the answer to those questions is and I think that there truly is no answer.  Was it fate, destiny, or luck?  Through this blog I have heard so many opinions about my adoption.  I’ve been told that I need to call myself “sold” rather than adopted to I am not grateful enough to be adopted and also many thanks from people who say these posts are making a difference for them as adoptees and adoptive parents.

 The opinions about me really don’t seem to matter.  What does matter is that our story (my families and mine) be told.  There is no possible way for strangers to know what any of us have been through. 

As a stranger on the reading end of my stories you can only “imagine” what my mother Shanti went through when her first born baby girl disappeared never to return for 25 years or how my adoptive mother Shirley may have felt when told that the adoption she was involved with may have been done without my biological mother’s consent and there is no way for anyone to step in my shoes either and feel the loneliness, isolation and emptiness that I share with so many other adoptees.

 Judgment is rampant when looking at someone else in our world.  Why are we spending time judging when we could be learning and understanding how to make our world and lives better through compassion and love for each other?

My adoptive mother Shirley never discriminated on whom she would help.  She helped everybody never taking a moment to think about his or her religion, race or how he or she got into his or her predicament.  There were drug addicts to little old ladies that she embraced.

My mother Shanti doesn’t discriminate.  She stops to pray at every church regardless of religion whether Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu, or Muslim.

Even as an adoptee with my experience, I do not feel I have the right or ability to judge whether someone is “better off” or not because they were adopted.  Who is to say what is “better off” for an individual?

 The matter of adoption is a deep and intricate subject, one that everyone has strong opinions on. 

 The facts are that I was adopted, it was done with carelessness, my adoptive parents did nothing wrong, my mother only trusted a friend, I am a product of circumstances, I love both of my families, and I will continue to tell my story in hopes that it helps somebody in even the smallest ways. It is the system that is broken and needs revamping. One of the biggest voids is understanding of the adoptee and their suffering that occurs without a foundation of familial background.  We all need to know our ancestry and our families regardless of the situations we came from, it is only natural for humans to have this desire. Another problem are the legalities, who is really watching over these adoptions to make sure that they are done properly? 

 All of us affected by adoption are being called forth to help in our own little ways to make a change.  There is no change with ignorance and complacency nor without acceptance.

 Should I have been adopted is a waste of time to ask, it is my story but what I choose to do with this experience can be either an opportunity or pain and suffering.  We adoptees have that choice, that is the opportunity.  We didn’t have choice in the matter at the time of adoption and cannot change anything but we do have the choice now and we can make a difference.

© Pushpa Duncklee and Pushpa’s Blog, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pushpa Duncklee and Pushpa’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.