Some things cannot be denied. The loneliness and broken heart I feel from not getting one card from a family member for Christmas, no texts, no emails. I still wonder… why was I adopted? I have no family that seems to remember me as family. I thought adoption was all about creating family? Not for me, it never has been. Not to say that all adoptions are alike but mine has never really been about family.
I live in this nation and out of all the millions of people here, my dad, my husband and my daughter are really my only family other than in-laws. It feels pretty isolating. I wonder…why was I sent here?
Family is something that most people take for granted and have no idea how special it is that they have it. I would do anything to know what it feels like to have that, people who take the time to let you know you are special. I thought… I was adopted because I was “special”. That’s what I have been told anyway.
This December was an eye opener. I ended up in the ER with a ridiculously high blood pressure on the same day that I came from India to my new “family” at six years old but also the same day that I reunited with my mother for the first time 25 years later. All I could think was that I have a broken heart. Why does my heart carry the pain no matter how much I have honed my coping skills?
Regardless of how much we deny it, family and love of family is a basic need and at the core of what makes us feel grounded and able to do anything. Without this I find myself crushed and giving up so many times through the years. Why can’t we thrive without family love but survive without it?
© Pushpa Duncklee and Pushpa’s Blog, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pushpa Duncklee and Pushpa’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
